"Coco"

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent."

-Victor Hugo

Colbie Caillat's album "Coco" has been playing in my car cd player for weeks. It's the only music I've been listening to lately -- actually everyday. Caillat sings about love in all facets. Her blend of acoustic pop, light jazz, and soul emanates a very relaxing vibe reminiscent of the laid back tempo of Hawaii with clear skies and warm breezes. Her gentle yet spirited style of music is comparable to the likes of John Mayer, Bob Marley, and Lauryn Hill. Despite being young and only 22, her music evokes emotions and warm memories even for the older audience.

"Coco" is truly hard to resist and would surely keep me company during my long drives around the traffic-stricken city...


Realize

[Verse 1:]
Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you

[Chorus:]
If you just realize what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

[Verse 2:]
Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
That this all can pass by
Didn't I didn't I tell you
[Refrain:]
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you.

[Chorus:]
If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realized what I've just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.

[Verse 3:]
It's not that the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you 'd meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

[Chorus:]
If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder now

Just realize what I just realized

If you just realize what I just realized

Oh...

Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now

Realize, realize
Realize, realize

Happy thoughts

Moving on to more happy thoughts… I failed to mention that I’m back in the workforce! Woopeydoo! Leaving my previous employer turned out to be not so bad after all! This proves that God is kind and most important of all – he really does exist! This means that I have moolah again to fund the acquisition of my much needed worldly possessions, in short – shopping!!! (Lord I am so kidding about that… I’ll start saving I promise… :P )

So far things are unexpectedly better, in all aspect. Not great, but better. I don’t want to get all excited and pre-empt things. I just wish life would be easier too for other people (if you are reading this, you know who you are…) I still believe that good things do happen to good people. It’s all going to fall into place sooner, later, somehow, one way or the other. You just got to have patience and faith. I know it all sounds so cliché but as the late Aaliyah sang “If at first you don’t succeed…Dust yourself up and try again…”

Be strong, my friend. We'll get our groove back.

Zombie

My life has finally come full circle.

I can still feel the numbness overshadowing any emotions. I feel like a zombie in those horror movies. I would rather it was pain that overpowered me at least I would be able to feel something. I am hollow, empty, devoid of any emotion. How can I escape from this limbo?

The thought of not being able to feel something, anything, for somebody scared me. Have I grown too cold hearted that it made me less human? A perfect opportunity presented itself, but I passed. What the hell is wrong with me? He was good enough for most people’s standards, average perhaps but certainly likeable. Yet I could not bring myself to reciprocate his affection. I wasn’t looking for fireworks, even a tiny spark would suffice. But to my disappointment there was nothing of the sort. I had to put a stop to it, even if it meant hurting him.

I was honest, actually more brutal than I expected. I told him that I have nothing to offer him. That is the closest I can get to saying I am not capable of loving or feeling anything romantic for another human being. Then I also added that I already like someone, and if it’s not him then I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else. I surprised myself with what I had just said.

After all these years, was I still hoping? This is stupid, irrational, and simply delusional. I’m still being haunted by a ghost, his ghost. It’s not fair to be reminded of someone who can never be yours. However no one can ever seem to measure up and this thought is just agonizing.

I cannot stay forever in purgatory. It can’t always be an episode of the “Night of the living dead”. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to find that light, I need to feel and be alive again.

The Toad

It turns out that prince charming ain't that charming after all. He was never a prince to begin with, he was an ugly toad... and still is. There is no hope. Major turn off. Talk about social graces. Wtf was I thinking??! All those trouble for nothing. Tama na itigil na tong kalokohan na to. It's not doing me any good. I am disillusioned and I need to move on... Earth to rain.

After that episode with Mr. Not So Charming, I realized I should never lower down my standards, not even for anyone . These are my non-negotiables and shall remain that way. Under no circumstances that it can be compromised. Girls should learn not settle for anything less. Seems tricky but it can be done, with a little determination.

Much thanks to my gal pals who was with me last night and whom I absolutely adore! Without you I probably would have ditched the party early.

Mr. Not So Charming = Harry Houdini = Hallow Man

I'm really swearing off "mature" Atenean men... especially those who don't know who Ne-Yo is and looks like Samuel L. Jackson. Strike # 2.

Dating Slump...

It is official. I am in a dating slump.... waaaaahhhhh!!!! Quite embarassing I know... It just came upon me that this is a very serious situation. It was never a problem until a few years ago when I broke up with my ex. Thats when it all started which lead me to assume that its his fault! aarrgghh!

Can this be karma? Is this my punishment for being a former serial dater? I absolutely do hope not! How hard is it for a girl to find a decent date around here? Geez. Where did all the men go? It used to be easy finding myself a date. There was the rich kid, the businessman, the actor, the model, the executive, the banker, the gym buff and the list goes on and on...

The last one was a nightmare though. He was intelligent and charming but after a few weeks of dating, he turned psycho. That guy seriously has some major issues. Which reminds me that I have already sworn off dating "Atenistas".

I don't want to throw in the towel just yet. I do remain hopeful that I will find the right guy. There is a nice, decent, funny, intelligent, kind, handsome man waiting out there for me. I have yet to meet him... and that's good enough for now =)

The Unemployed

Its been weeks since I left my job or should I say " I was let go". It never dawned on me that I was going to venture yet again into the realm of the "unemployed". This really sucks. Curse the corporate gods! I hope they burn in hell! It is never a good situation for a twenty something to be in this predicament, or for anyone that is. Now I'm starting to wonder if working hard to earn my MBA degree even matter at all or does it really give me a legs up against the competition? Either way I am seriously doubting it. After spending 4 years studying and all that money for tuition, it seems that it did not do me any good. Last time I checked, my career is still non-existent. I found out a few days ago that my good friend who works for the same company is being let go too. Poor guy, he worked hard you know and very loyal too. Now somebody shares my sentiments. So what's next for me? I have no idea... But I'm keeping my hopes up. I have a feeling... something good is bound to happen... soon.